Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Rain Rain Go Away...

Tuesday. Rain pelting down, flooding Manhattan. Everywhere you look are rainboots and umbrella's and unhappy faces.

No one likes the weather here. Yet...22.232 million people live here...(says the 2009 census). Why? Why do we all live here?

Is it the culture? Is it that there is tons to do here (great clubs, shows, bars, museums, etc.)? Is it the vast business opportunities? Is it the diversity of the people? Is it the parks? Is it the great food (cause trust could eat out for each meal, every day for a year in this city and eat somewhere new and cool each time)? Is it the history this city holds? Is it the fact that every now and again you stop, look around and say to yourself, "I really live here!"

Its all these things actually. Add on the fact that the people here are fantastic, creating great friends you adore and you have yourself someplace fun to live. BUT...the weather sucks. Last summer we had more rain than sunshine. This winter we had HORRIBLY cold winds and TONS of snow.

See, New Yorkers walk in this's not like other northern areas where most of the people have cars. Sure, Michigan was gets more snow usually...but you go from your warm house to your warmed up car to your warm job...etc. (Do apply that for summer too...air conditioned houses, cars, jobs, etc). Here? You walk in this shitty weather. You are your car. Your feet are your tires. So, in case you ever wondered why New Yorkers talk about the weather all the's cause basically we are talking cars...discussing what we have to push through every day.

Now if it wasn't for all that really cool stuff I listed before...I don't think people would live here. The reason NYC became what it became was so people could fathom living here. Just my opinion folks...

New Yorkers spend much time talking about when the nice weather will be here...we are on a countdown. New Yorkers are the happiest (you actually see smiling faces on your way to work) from about June till October/November. Then you get all the cool Christmas stuff here in the city into fooling you it's okay to be cold..."Tis The Season"...then New Years hits and you go...Why the fuck do I live here again?

Anyhoo...It's almost April right?

This is Tamsin Silver, staring out her window at the crappy weather saying...hang in there New Yorkers...only 2 months to go...and if we're lucky? It'll be nice by May...we can hold on for one to two more months...right?

Well, we'll try...but count on us to bitch about it. ;) xo

Thursday, March 25, 2010


You'd think after the HUGE ass post I typed just a wee bit ago I'd have nothing else for my reading audiece today.

SO not true.

I have the Indroduction to Book 4; Destiny.

Considering my previous post...I think possibly this next book mirrors me right now in a way that's too deep to explain without rambling like earlier. I can feel that writing this next book will be me sharing a bit of my soul with you...that it will help me see my destiny in the real world...and that because of how it effects me in real life, that this book will effect those who read it.

That said...I give you the introduction to Book 4.


Main Entry: des•ti•ny
Pronunciation: \ˈdes-tə-nē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural des•ti•nies
Etymology: Middle English destinee, from Anglo-French, from feminine of destiné, past participle of destiner
Date: 14th century
1 : something to which a person or thing is destined : FORTUNE
2 : a predetermined course of events often held to be an irresistible power or agency
synonyms see FATE

So I wait.

What do I wait for?

Destiny…to eat me whole. This “predetermined” course of events that seem to have infected my being. The “chosen one”. Prophecy this and prophecy that. I hate it. To feel like you have no choice but yet you’ve made all the wrong ones. It sucks. I am unhappy and I hurt those I love daily. How in hell can this be my destiny? Did I per chance pick the wrong path one day? If so, when did that happen and can I go back and change my mind?

On one hand, I have two beautiful children and powers that many would make a deal with the devil for. Yet, on the other hand I seem to have the propensity for tragedy and horror to follow me and those I care for wherever I go. One might suggest maybe I need to embrace this stay of being. I cannot fathom it. If I didn’t feel I was needed I would find a way to die. Destiny or no, there are things I’ve seen and things I’ve done that make my skin crawl and my non-beating heart cry out for help.

But I can’t. Have help that is. I have made these bad choices, whether they were my destiny to make or not, and I am the one that deals with them. There is no need to share my dirty laundry with those who count on me so heavily. I am the chosen one and I should be able to shoulder this pain and these burdens alone…and I will.

Until it kills me.

Dead Theatre Bug?

Those who are in theatre tend to say, "I was bit by the theatre bug at an early age"...or something to do with being bitten by that bug...that bug that makes you think, "Hey, as long as I'm pursuing my art it's okay if I live paycheck to paycheck. I'm doing what I love...right?"

Writing isn't much different. The "Writing Bug" has that same after effect as previously mentioned. BUT...something interesting that I'm "Writing Bug" may have killed ("squashed" maybe is a better term?) my "Theatre Bug".

Can I do more than ONE artistic thing at a time and give them both 100% as well as do my full time job that pays me? I can. I have. For years I've written on the side and pursued theatre hard core when not dealing with healthcare. But today I discovered "Theatre Bug" feels dead.

**Insert a metaphorical scream and running about the room in fear**


Maybe it's because I know that my book is good enough to be published and things are moving along (I have found and editor that believes in me and my work for starters) in that area of my life while my theatre work, though good, feels like it is going nowhere fast and to be honest, I'm not feeling the pull right now to change that.


For those of you NOT in NYC doing Off Off Bway stuff...let me enlighten you a bit. TONS of actors/directors/designers/etc. bust their ass for not a penny in this market here in NYC. I have a 2 page resume of work here in NYC in 8 years and I've been paid for 1 out of 10. Hell, I did one show last summer that I STILL have yet to be paid for!!! But that's not the point and I don't want to digress. We bust our asses and what do I have to show for it? A nice resume, a lot of knowledge that makes me a valuable person to have on your production team, and a lot of great friends or aquaintences in the biz...but it's the same thing day in and day out. There has been no changes except now, with the economy as it stands, my theatre company makes even LESS money! (Yee Gad! I'd have thought that wasn't even possible!). We have been pulling in 1/2 of what we were pulling. That's because people, including me, have been scaling back on spending money. I can't go see all my friends shows anymore. #1. It gets expensive to shell out $18 each time. #2. I used to use my business card to get in free (as I am considered industry in this genre) but they too need every dollar they can get and aren't comping anyone anynmore that's not an agent or a reviewer). So...does this mean I go pay and see the show? No. It means I stay home and make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and watch the TV I'm already paying for no matter if I do or do not go to the theatre. Mind you...if they are one of my closest friends I do try to find the money. Supporting them is very important. But it hurts my heart to see SUPER talented people doing one Off Off Broadway show after another without getting representation. And lets face it...hardly ANY agents drag their ass to an OOB play. Only, if by some miracle, they know someone in the show or who is directing/producing it do they come and even then...picking an actor to represent happens almost never.

It's sad. I know that. Maybe I'm burned out. I did go literally from show to show to show either as a director, producer, stage manager, choreographer or writer for about 3 years. What do I have to show for it? As previously said...a nice resume and some great skills...etc. But I'm no closer to having a self standing company. I'm just not. The chances that my theatre company will make enough money to let me just do what I love for a living is a long shot. A long shot in the sense of hitting a golf ball from Japan to NYC...THAT long a long shot.'s not. I have that "feeling". It is going to take me somewhere...and I just don't know where yet...or when...but it is. And as I try and fail there aren't a bunch of people looking to me going, "Where's the money?". It's just me looking at myself and to let myself down is one thing, but to let down all those people I cherish and see as uber talented souls who I love? I breaks my heart more than they know.

A friend of mine and I have this dream to build an amazing theatre company that is both theatre and music with two theater's in it and rooms for rehearsal and classes. It's amazing! He and his father even have the schematics of it all drawn up. It would be the talk of NYC if we could start it. I'd LOVE to run the theatre side of love of theatre isn't's just, my dreams seem to have changed. The Off Off Bway platform for me now feels like community theatre...though, trust me, the work my friends do is WAY above that talent wise! Maybe it's cause I'm going to turn 40 this year...but, I need to up the anty people...I just need to.

If I want that company I need to get the money. To get the money I need to do something other than what I'm doing now, OOB theatre. It's sad...but I feel it's true.

I'm rambling. I'm sorry. If you're able to follow these trains of thought CUDOS to YOU my friend!

The long and short of it is this...I have NO drive to do theatre right now and that scares me. I've been a theatre kid since I was 10 years old when the bug bit me and now I'm almost 40...that's a LONG time to be in the biz and I've gone farther than most. I just feel like my theatrical career is a hampster on that little wheel in his cage. It saddens me. It discourages me. I watch SO many do what I do and stay in the same spot and one might ask yourself why. Why not take my degree and apply to be the Artistic Director of a theatre company anywhere else in the country? Why not go to Grad school in England (cause that's my dream)? Why stay in NYC?

Simply put. I don't know. I feel in limbo. My friends are all married (or getting married or in long term relationships) and I...well...I have a dog (Not that he's not the best dog ever though!)...and I have a LOT of GREAT friends that I ADORE. But I'll be honest. I'm starting to wonder if my time here in NYC is going to end soon. Not because I don't love it here...not that I don't love my friends or what I do...but because I feel there is MORE out there for me than what I do now. If this book thing doesn't pan out (but it will so I'm just theorizing here) will I stay in NYC?

I hate to say this...cause it will SHOCK the shit out of my friends (if they even read this)...but the answer

I said I'd give NYC 10 has until then, at the max. At that point if I'm not doing anything different than I am today (single, working at a hospital, trying to sell my books, doing theatre on the side...)I think it'll be time for me to move forward. I have NO idea what that will entail...but, as of today I admit it fully. have 2 years to woo me, so to show you wanna keep me. I dare you to do it. Find a way...or trust me, I'll find the next adventure to make me grow as a person somewhere else. I refuse to settle in this life.

Those are my lengthy thoughts today. If you made it all the way though...congrats! You are probably the only one! LOL!

Tamsin :)

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

A New Day...

I normally never do this, but I'm going to add on to my post yesterday and THEN I'll talk about my, if you have NO care in the world for my thoughts on healthcare reform...scroll on down past the next section. It's okay, I'll not be hurt.

I'll keep this brief...or "brief for me" that is...

Last night I was on Facebook and found some bantering on a friend's page about the new bill. I wrote some thoughts on her page and got positive feedback from those who read the comments. I thought it'd be possibly wise to post them here. Cause they were a less emotional (cause trust me, when I typed yesterday I was emotional) opinion/thoughts than earlier in the day.

Here are the two posts I put on my friend's page, in order;

Post #1.
I have worked in every aspect of healthcare there is from clinical technician to collector to filing clerk to pharmacy to lab work to you name it...& from an inside perspective this bill is a good thing...and its a door to great things! Yes, a business owner who has 50+ employees must offer insurance soon or they will be fined $2000 each employee. No offense but if they have that many employees they shoulda been offering it to begin with!

Every American will have to have insurance but lower cost options/companies will sprout (thats part of that 3 billion from what I've read) & if u can't afford the lowest cost insurance Medicaid will be taking you so it doesn't have to be a sudden large $ amount you are going to be forced to pay if you don't have it. I really love that car insurance analogy btw...its really on the money, no pun intended.... (Note: the girl previous to me wrote how we don't bawk at how we MUST pay car insurance or we're fined and this is hte same idea...protecting ourselves but instead of from car injury, from illness).

Does this bill fix everything? No. But damn, its going in the right direction for once. People (old & young) can stop dying due to no coverage & doctors can maybe now charge less as they'll see be able to see more patients. THIS will create more office jobs in those offices as well as the companies that supply/support them.

Change is a scary thing cause we'll hit bumps & make mistakes but its worth the end result. If we sat & did nothing we'd never have anything to perfect...and our children and our grandchildren are worth us taking a chance, being scared, & trying to improve the quality of lives all over, no matter their financial standing.

I have a job where they offer great insurance, so I say none of this because the plan benefits me...but those I love. Am I willing to pay extra for that? Hell yes!

Those are my thoughts & you are welcome to agree or disagree...but as someone with health issues, good insurance & experience in the industry...I wanted to throw my thoughts into the pot.:)

Oh, & just think, if you loose your job you no longer need to think about what the hell your going to do about your health issues. Happy day!

Post #2.
Luckily the small companies have some time to decide how to comply with the new law. I'm sorry to hear the small Oncology companies have had to join with their hospitals but let's see the positive in that...their resources & available staff/medical minds to confer with/assist in treating their patients has probably doubled at least. Don't get me wrong, I do see the sadness of small businesses loosing their "independence" but, chances are they are stronger now both for the reason previously mentioned & financially...making the possibility of closing their doors permanently smaller AND helping them to have the money to give decent benefits to their employees.:) I know, I'm the unfailing optimist sometimes...but that doesn't mean I'm totally wrong.


Met with my lovely editor last night. We put down dates for when things would be done...when we'd meet...I paid her...and then we just sorta talked about anything and everything. I feel very blessed to have found this girl. And I'm not just saying that cause she'll soon probably read this. I mean it. It was a fun hour and a half and though she wouldn't spill a word about where she was in the manuscript (dagnabbit!) she told me something that I thought was vastly interesting.

She said that she could tell the mood I was in when I wrote particular sections due to the re-use of the same word over and over again in that part of the book. Fascinating. I think that's really cool. Don't get me wrong...I understand it's BAD for my book to repeat like that and I'm going to laugh when I see the results and I'm going to make love to my thesaurus to fix it...BUT...I thought it was an interesting discovery and thought that I might say to those of you writers who do not have an editor yet...look for this. I can't be the only one who does this...can I?

In other news....

I've not written anything new since I finished the book last week and I feel like I have all this murmuring going on in the back of my head. I need quiet headspace so...I'm going to do something today that I swore I'd not do.........I'm going to start working on either Book 4 or on my young adult series I dabble on here and there. Cause, let's face it, my imagination is used to being let loose and it's pushing at the locked door and I need to let her out...for my own sanity.

So, off I go! :)

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


I'm so excited about what has just happened today...I have to blog about it!

This has nothing to do with my book...but about me, the author. I shall explain.

As I work hard here in NYC to make a living so that I can write my books on the side so that one day I can be a published author I've been working in the healthcare system for 11 years. Seven of those eleven years have been spent trying to get the insurance companies to pay. That's right, I've been a collector that busts her butt to get the insurance company to pay the doctor or hospital vs. denying the claim so that the patient isn't stuck with the bill. It's noble work but it's hard work and it's emotionally exhausting work at times. If you ever speak to a collector at your doctor's office or hospital, know that they bust their ass for you...and that they HATE calling you with your balance...and that they try their best to save you money. Or at least, the ones worth their weight in gold (like the folks I've worked with) do.

In my eleven years I've watched children not get the care they need. I've seen the insurance company find ANY loophole they can to not pay and then watch the patient get either more ill or pass away. I've walked step for step with a parent of a child who's insurance refused to pay ANYTHING stating "pre-existing condition" because they felt she should've gone to a doctor sooner...even when her PCP said there was no way she could've come earlier, or known. I've faught on a daily basis to make them pay...and God...they're going to have to!

Today is a historic day for the USA. Healthcare Reform Bill has been signed by President Barack Obama and as of child can be denied for "pre-existing condition". WOO-HOOOOOO!!!!

I could go on and on and on...but I won't. I just wanted to put my thoughts out there today. I dedicate this bill to Shannon. You may not be around anymore my darling girl, but it's because of situations like yours that the people spoke up WE CHANGED THE LAW!

I am wiping tears from my face...out of joy and out of sorrow...but at least's not just out of sorrow. Thank you President Obama for your vision and your diligence. Thanks to the House and the Senate...those of you who knew it was time to fix a broken system. I applaude you.

Our children's children will thank us for this...mark my words...

Friday, March 19, 2010

And...she is completed.

As of Wednesday the 17th...St. Patricks Day funny enough...I have completed Book 3; Stained Glass. Hoo-ray! It's hard to believe its done. I ended it with an excerpt of Book 4; Destiny so as to give readers a look at what the new story will be dealing with.

What will be hard is NOT writing Book 4 while I wait for Book 1 to come back from my Editor. To occupy my time my "plan" is to proof through Book 3 before it goes to my actual proof reader, Rachel Grundy (she is also the lovely lady who makes sure all of my British vernacular is correct in the book seeing as she's from Greenwich, UK, it's easy for her!), and then I'll go through Book 2 when she returns it to me this week and put in all the music specifics. I'm guessing that this should keep my creative head busy until April 16, which is the date my first book is to be returned to me all covered in red lines and comments.

You know, NORMAL people dread their book coming back from their editor. But not me...I'm excited to see her ideas to make it more concise AND for the opportunity it will create for me to make the book better. I say this because I feel that I am a better writing now than I was when I started that book. Hell, I'm a better writer now than I was when I finished it! Plus, being as that I know more about the series now it'll make it easier to write new sections of Book 1.

Book 3 ends in November of 1998. Book 4 will pick up right after it due to the nature of the ending of Book 3 it sorta has to. I think if I jumped ahead at all the readers would be sorely pissed off. But, that said, Book 4 will end up taking a jump at some point as it will actually end either the end of 2000 or the begining of 2001. Book 5 (which I think is the last one) will pick up 3 years after that. IF, as I write Book 5 it looks to be too long, there will be 6 books and Destiny will actually end up as Destiny Part I and Destiny Part II. No idea yet. We'll see as we write.

Someone is now thinking, "But don't you outline and know where things are going?" Not really. See, I outline in my head and create as I go. Chances are, for the rest of my life, when I go to propose a book to my publishing company with an outline...the book will already be written. This is SOOO backwards, I know this. Its just, the best creative ideas I've come up with throughout this series have come to me from the writing process. If I'd sat down and attempted to write the outline chances are I'd never have thought of these cool things that way. I think it just works better for me to open up the floodgates of creativity and let the chips fall where they may.

That said, I really should get back to proofing my final copy of Book 3 for my Proof Reader (I know, it sounds redundant). I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! It is supposed to be 75 and sunny tomorrow here in NYC so I will NOT be writing or proofing...I will have my wonderful dog outside in the park munching on goodies from the farmers market and playing with the children at the park that always attack him. One big 55lb black fluffy dog surrounded by at least 4 or 5 kids all petting him at once. It's a sight...

I leave you with the two verses of the longer poem by Nettie Pennington. I use at the end of Book 3.


As Destiny Unfolds

There is always a choice to make
When two paths merge and life takes a break
For a split second, all things are one
As destiny and chaos collide once more

When two paths merge and life takes a break
No one will warn you that it is already to late
To change the path you have taken
As destiny and chaos collide once more…

Nettie Pennington

Monday, March 15, 2010

The end is near...

The end of Book Three is so near my pulse quickens at the thought of it!

This past weekend in NYC was utter weather goes. If it had been cold enough, the Northeasterner (type of a storm) we got for 2 days in a row, would've been snow and we'd have been burried. Instead it was rain and wind that I refer to as "umbrella killing" wind. In a one square block walk with the dog I came across over 10 dead umbrella's lying on the sidewalk/road in pieces. Why my dog feels these are items to pee on, I have no idea. Is it not bad enough they died and their owners tossed them on the road...but to then be peed on? My dog is just mean.

My thought over the weekend was if I had an umbrella made by the people who made Mary Poppins' umbrella I'd have been fine...but no, my umbrella flipped inside out and right side in over and over and over. My down jacked was soaked and my shoes? Ugh, we won't talk about it. point, and I have one, is that it was PERFECT weather for writing. When I got home from the gym and grocery store I cooked up some lunch, made some hot tea and away I went. I finished Chapter 23 on Saturday and then yesterday wrote Chapter 24. All that is left is Chapter 25 and the Epilogue and it's done. Mind you, Chapter 24 is shorter than the usual chapters by 2 pages...but that's okay. It fits its purpose and is tight.

So...we have only one more short chapter and the epi...and its a wrap. VERY excited to see how this goes today...for I hope to finish today.

To tantalize you with's a section from Chapter explains the title of the book...Enjoy! -Tamsin :)

I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. I heard Alastair get out of the back seat and into the passenger side front. He sat there for another minute. I could feel his eyes on me and was about to ask him to just spit it out when he did.

“How are you holding up?”

“Look at me, how do I look like I’m holding up?” I said sarcastically.

“You look pretty good to me,” he said. “Better than I’d be.”

I let out a light laugh and then said, “Stained glass.”


I opened my eyes and stared out the window and said, “Stained glass. It’s beautiful to look at but in reality it’s pieces of broken glass that have been tinted and stuck together with other broken pieces of glass. They make a pretty picture but in reality, they’re broken pieces and they’re fragile.” I turned to look at him. “That’s how I feel. Like I’m just barely being held together by some sort of glue…all my broken pieces attached and at any moment if I don’t concentrate on holding it together that they’ll all come crashing down and that pretty picture will just be broken pieces of glass laying on the floor with no use at all.”

He said nothing but took my hand. I looked back out the window into the dark forest and we waited in silence.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Issue #1. It has dawned on me...I have ONE MONTH to really finish Book Three. YIKES! You are now asking me why. Well, because my editor has Book One in her hot little hands and is destroying it as we speak (destroying it in a good way...let's make that clear). Once I get it back from her I will be putting my whole soul into THAT book. Getting it ready to try and get an agent and from there, published. There is a lot of work ahead of me on that; rewrites and so on. That means that I need to finish Book Three before I get Book One back. Why? Two reasons; A. I'll leave Book Three hanging for way too long if I don't finish it before I start work on tidying Book One. B. Cause I'll loose the rhythm I'm on with it and the book's flow could suffer.

Issue #2. Seeing as that the format for Book Two is at about the right length, I need to copy that concept for Book Three...which means...not only do I need to finish because of Issue #1 but because lenght wise I MUST start closing it up. I say that loosly cause in Tamsin Silver fashion, it WILL be a cliff hanger. I know, you hate me, it's okay. :)

Issue #3. Due to ending Book Three earlier than means ONE thing...There will be 5 books in this first series at minimal...maybe six. Say it with me...Oh my god! Crap! Damn! **Le sigh**. So be it. I'm sure I'll think of something...everything happens for a reason. It's just...I know how the book before the "last" one ends...and there is no way I can jumpt to that from where I am now. Hence...extra book. This probably is a good thing though.

Issue #4. Now that we have a whole new book to come up with an idea for...well, we need to come up with that idea. Shite. And that's all I have to say about that.

The good that comes out of this? I get a tighter Book Three and will get to leave my readers with a shocking, and dare I hint, "explosive" ending to the 3rd book... making them CRAVE the next one.

I'm actually excited to write these last two or three chapters of Book Three to tie it all up. I know exactly all that needs to happen so it's just a situation of where I need to plop it all on paper!

Those are my thoughts of the day...I leave you with a few lines from Book Three...Enjoy...


“Good to see you too Atlanta,” he said. “The wet look is good for you.”

I jumped off the railing, my drenched clothes splattering water all over. “You’re funny.” I turned to Alastair, “Why’s he here?”

“He’s discovered a problem.”

“Other than himself?”


I sighed. “I know I know…I just sorta thought, you know, he was dead.”

“Sorry to disappoint."

“This is serious Atlanta,” Alastair said.

“How serious? Like Luke's need for power converters serious or Death Star serious?"

Monday, March 8, 2010

Living Dead Girl - Book One - Prologue

I thought maybe...just maybe...a great way to get those who come across my blog interested in me and my series would be to give you a taste of it. Below is the Prologue for Book One of the Living Dead Girl Series. I'd like to thank my Editor, Juilet Grames, for helping me see how this new Prologue rocks out so much better than the one I wrote years ago!

Enjoy! -Tamsin :)


Tamsin Silver
Living Dead Girl – Book One; The Betrayal
© 2009 Tamsin Silver


Standing there I could feel the fire burn.
I could smell the flesh of those who had died.
I could see the pain on what was left of their faces.

I looked around and all I could see were flames and death. The air was full of smoke and ash and the screams of those who watched in horror as more died. A part of me wanted to run screaming and yet a part of me was fascinated by the destruction that man can create. I moved closer to the flames, to quiet them, to try to control them. But I couldn’t. It was like I wasn’t really there; like I was a hologram. I looked down at my hands and I could see right through them. I then looked at my body and all I could see was a hollow shell of myself.

As I looked around I was confused. Had I caused this pain? Were these people dead because of me? I looked down on the ground to see a man’s torso crawling across the ground towards me, hate in his eyes. “How could you?” His scorched throat spit at me. “How could you be so selfish?”

Suddenly his burnt hand, more bones than charred flesh, reached out and took a hold of my ankle and pulled. I was strong but for some reason this half man was stronger. He pulled me down, my hands smashing onto the ground that felt soft and wet. I looked at my hands and they were no longer transparent where the blood and ash from the ground had caked onto them. I tried to wipe my hands on my body but the blood wouldn’t come off.

That was when I noticed I’d fallen down near the edge of something. I tried to pull out of his boney grasp but his grip on me was too tight. He began to drag me closer to the edge. I looked at him again and this time he smiled at me and when he did, his face filled in with flesh and his eyes were no longer hate filled. He actually looked at me like he loved me.

“This is for your own good Atty. I’m so sorry. I know it’s not what you wanted…but you have to face the pain…”

“The what?” I asked.

He didn’t seem to hear me and then, I looked down and saw a large dark hole in the ground like a grave and I began to scream.

“Atty! Wake up! Wake up!” A voice yelled, their hands shaking my shoulders.

Suddenly I was no longer looking at a dark hole in the ground, but the face of one of my two best friends.

"Alex?” I heard my weak voice whimper out as I realized I was sitting up in bed.

“There’s my girl,” he said, and pulled me into his arms as I started to cry. “Which one was it this time?” he murmured into my ear softly.

“It wasn’t specific. Just fire, and death and it was awful. I can still smell it,” I said as I buried my face into Alex’s chest.

“Naw, it’s probably just that awful cologne that jackass at the mall sprayed me with this evening.”

I laughed. Alex could always make me laugh, even after one of my episodes. I then really saw him as he sat straddling my legs; something he did to make sure I didn’t thrash or sleep walk during my dreams. He was just wearing his boxers; green with tiny black paw prints on them.

“Nice boxers.”

“Ya like? Kevin got them for me.”

“Who’s Kevin?”

“Exactly. Now, lay back down.”

I guessed that Kevin was one in a long list of pointless boyfriends Alex had had in his life and didn’t ask further. Instead, I did as he asked and laid back down asking, “What time is it?”

“Well…” Alex said as he removed himself from sitting on my legs and plopped next to me, “About three in the morning.”

“Sorry I woke you,” I said, dramatically covering my face with my covers. I always apologized though I wondered often why. It wasn’t like I’d never do it again.

“It’s okay sweetie. I don’t actually have any appointments tomorrow so, I’m all yours. You wanna talk about it?”

I shook my head and though it was under the blankets he could see enough to know my answer.

“You want me to just stay in here with you?”

I nodded my head.

“Okay, but its cold, let me under those covers!”

I laughed as Alex slipped under the covers with me and pulled me close to him.
“It’ll be okay. Just go back to sleep Atty. I’m right here,” he said kissing my head.

Atty is short for Atlanta. Not that my full name is so long it needs a nickname but alas, my friends chose it for me and it stuck.

Not all of my dreams are as disturbing as this one had been but many are. I’ve been having dreams of this nature for what feels like my whole life. Other than my immediate family only two people knew about them and Alex is one of them. Jensine is the other. She has been living in London for the past year so hence why Alex was the only roommate I could have at the moment. Funny, most people don’t want a roommate that wakes them with screaming in the middle of the night. But both he and Jensine said they didn’t mind, though I could tell it freaked Jensine out. Most of the time they’d make me write the dream out so that I could remember it later. I have notebooks upon notebooks with the ramblings of my dreams. They’re not for the light hearted by any shake of the imagination though many are repeat offenders.
I’m what most would call a psychic, though I don’t believe that’s what I am. I actually have no idea what I am but I hate the word psychic. All I do is have dreams that come true so maybe a better term is prophetic? Sometimes I even get flashes while awake, but it’s rare. Usually those only occur when something major happens, changing the course of my life as I know it.

Sometimes I have one when it’s just a big event, though it doesn’t affect me directly. An example of that might be that at the age of seven I began spouting nonsensical things one May morning about someone named Helen and how upset she was. My adoptive parents, who home schooled me for the first few years, thought I was just talking about some kid I met on the playground. Yet, on the news only moments later, they announced that Mount St. Helen erupted. If my parents put two and two together at the time I don’t know. But it was when I started to understand.
From that point on I always trusted my gut, my intuition. The times I’ve not listened have cost me…like on my sixteenth birthday…but now that I was 24 I was used to these, to an extent.

“Did you recognize anyone in the dream? Is anyone we know in danger?” Alex whispered to me.

“No. I didn’t recognize anyone. Besides, they were a bit burnt to really tell.”

“Nothing to do with a plane right?”

Jensine was returning from London the next day, on a plane.

I actually thought there might have been a plane, but I wasn’t 100% clear on it so I answered saying, “No. She’ll be fine Alex. I told you, just jet lag for our girl as per usual.”

He let out a sigh. “That’s good to hear. So, do you wanna tell me the dream?”

I drew in a long breath of air and let it out. I knew I should. I just didn’t want to. So I found a way out of it. “I think I just shouldn’t be watching Terminator before going to bed.”

“Metal skeleton’s dragging you to your death?”


Alex knew I was making excuses but he let me off the hook anyways. “I’ll make note, no more Terminator before bed.”

I snuggled into him. I knew Jensine was safe. It wasn’t her that was in danger in the dream, it was me.

A dream like this could only mean one thing; my life was about to change dramatically. And from how this dream was, I wasn’t so sure it was for the better.

Episode One...Get to know your Blogger!

WELCOME TO MY BLOG! Today's entry is to tell you! ;)

As you have already probably read, I am a Fantasy/Science Fiction writer and I've created this blog for my current and future fans (ya like how I'm optimistic like that?) and plan to use this blog to talk about my writing process; sucesses and failures.

Let us go back a "few" years...(okay, its a lot of years but humor me will you?) When I was a little girl my father would read to me before bed. He tended to read things a hair above my age level yet not above my imagination level. He loved the Madeline books when I was very young and then we moved on to E.B. White books (ie: "Charlotte's Web") and then C.S. Lewis (ie: "The Narnia Chronicles"). I must've made that poor man read "Voyages of the Dawn Treador" to me three times! (Needless to say I'm super excited for the next Narnia movie to come out as it is THIS book that's next on the list!) He read to me "A Wrinkle In Time" and "Alpha Centauri"... and before I knew it, I was falling for Fantasy and Science Fiction.

When I started reading for myself it was Nancy Drew all the way! Match that with how my dad loved to sit with me and watch the PBS TV shows "Mystery" and "Masterpiece Theater" and you find where my I love for mystery novels comes from. So it doesn't surprise me that what I write is a mix of the two; stories that hold a mystery to untangle so that the main characters, that are set in a realistic fantasy world, the world! :)

One of my readers once asked me, "Do you hate this character? Why do you put him through all this?" I am of the same belief as one of my favorite authors, Cassandra Clare. If I don't torture my characters and my readers in the process, I'm just not doing my job. Look, here's how I see it...a flawed person is an interesting person...both in real life and in stories. A "perfect" person who has experienced nothing difficult in their life or has no quirks that make them who they are...personally bore me. Real people, who've gone through hell and have flaws are interesting and people can relate to them. I feel the this way on both my heros and my villians. Speaking of villians...I am of the same believe as another idol of mine, Joss Whedon. Villians don't see themselves as villians. They feel very justified in what they do. They may be crazy but to them, they are perfectly sane and our hero's are in need of mental help. :) Justification for action is the driving force on that choice...hell, for many if not all of my choices.

So, as many usually ask, I will list some of my current top favorite writers...the people who inspire me to be better. They would be:

Cassandra Clare
J.K. Rowling
Cate Tiernan
Joss Whedon
P.C. & Kristen Cast
John Flanagan
L.J. Smith
Christopher Pike

...and the list could go on and on...but we'll stop there for now...adding more later. :)

So, now that my background is layed out for you I feel I can move forward with what I feel promises to be a fun blog about my experiences as a in NYC!