Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Actor's Nightmare

This morning I woke up from a wickedly horrible Actors Nightmare.

I also woke up late.

Then I saw it was SNOWING out.

Then both my trains had problems and I was late for work even though I got out of the house on time.

Are we doing Monday over again? Did you forget to tell me? Shame on you!

***insert massive grumbling here***

My co-worker asked what the actors nightmare is. Really? You don't all have these? You don't know what they are? Well, let me enlighten you then. Join me in my misery.

First do know there was a play written by Christopher Durang with this title ( on this blog title to see more on that).

The basics of any actor's nightmare: Dreams actors and performers often have in which they are about to go onstage and cannot remember their lines/rehearsal instructions.

MY nightmare of choice was as follows:

I was sitting at the back of the house of a huge theatre, possibly seating 300, curled up on the shoulder of my junior college buddy Mark Brenner. I think he had on a furry costume because I remember I was cosily tucked into a fuzzy warm shoulder and didn't want to go get ready for the performance. It was opening night and we were just hanging out before they opened the house. I think we were sitting in a light loft/walk over in the back cause we were looking down from the back and not in seats.

Anyhoo...I finally realized it was time to go on and I wasn't in costume or make-up and I was nonchalant about it. ????? We were ON in five minutes and I was like, "poo issues". Say wha? I got into costume quickly but told the two girls fretting about me that we never start on time so no worries.

They tossed me a bag with my name on it telling me the make-up guy was pissed off and that it was important that Marion look right and now I'd have no make-up on. I was all calm and said, "sure I can, here..." (Note: Marion would be the lead in "Music Man" btw, for those of you not versed in the musicals of "old").

And this is where it all goes wrong...

I start to put the powder on and I hear clapping and music start. And I'm like, "Well shit, I need to..." And then it hits me.


I peak out of the curtains to see a young girl, possibly 12, with curly dark hair and a modest catholic girl outfit on and she's picking up the slack, singing cause I'm not on stage and the orchestra is going and the audience is watching. The song is "Wouldn't It Be Loverly"...THAT is from "My Fair Lady"...for those of you who don't know.

So she looks to the right and sees me and so I just walk on stage picking up where she left off in the song...finish the chorus and then?

You got it. Nothing. I'm now dead center with the band playing and a full cast around me and a packed house and I have NO bloody idea what the words are or where I'm supposed to walk.

I try to save my ass by pulling at a guy on stage right and pretending that the way the show goes is that I get him to sing with me.

Poor lout doesn't know the words either and he's petrified. In the back of my head I'm thinking, "The next song should be "Wash that Man Right Outta My Hair" (Note: THAT would be the musical "South Pacific" btw...yee gads!)

THANKFULLY I woke up at this a cast looking at me like I am ruining everything while my head thinks, "why would you let the show open when the lead hasn't been to the last two weeks of rehearsal?"

Here endeth the lesson.

Mind you, these are anxiety dreams and they started after the reality of how hard this teenage theatre troup/camp is going to be legally hit me on Sunday. But they're just dreams folks...bring it on! Cause I'm going to really try and make this work. So take THAT actor's nightmare. You can bite me.

May today get better...for me and for you other New Yorkers looking out at the snow and dealing with train issues'll all be over in 12.5 hours from now. And we can try to see what Thursday holds.

---------read the P.S. and see what's after it for a treat------------


Tamsin :)

P.S. The anxiety dream I had the night before was that I moved back from summer break to move into the house me and my best pal Angie were living in to find my old roommate (from here in NYC) with her shit in my room. I then turned to the house owner, who was my pal Jet (yes, the Goth/Industrial/EBM DJ and owner of Vampire Freaks) and was like, "I signed a contract for this room...why is her stuff still in here? Where is she?" Being the cool dude Jet is, he was standing there with paper in hand and his big sunglasses on (indoors?) like, "Yeah man, you signed it...its your room. Just move her stuff to the room downstairs. I don't know where she is." So me and someone else (no idea who) were trying to move her shit out of the room but it never seemed to be gone...trip after trip to the room and then the dream would start again like Groundhog Day (the movie). Shoot me now.

TREAT OF THE DAY: "Hipster Olympics Video" ---it saved my day...making me laugh! Thanks to Juliet for this! xo

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