To top it all off...

Yesterday was a good day. I got tickets to my new favorite band (see yesterday's post), the girl I'm interested in playing Atlanta for my photo-shoot is interested in it, the guy I'm interested in playing Sean for the photo-shoot is interested as well, but this topped the day all off...

Last night at my aqua aerobics class we had a new member.

After class he was talking with my girl Lisa and I and somehow age came up. No, it wasn't me who brought it up this time than you...so there. :P

Lisa started to giggle and asked David (that was his name we found out later) how old he thought I was. ---by the way, this happens more times than you think---

Now, we must remember that I had no make-up on, my hair was wet and slicked back, I was in a bathing suit (yee gads!) and my black rimmed glasses were shoved onto my face.

Okay...you got the picture.

He guessed...

"Between 23 to 25."

Yes. I told him I was in love with him. What else would you expect from a woman who is *cough* years old?

I did break down and tell him the truth...that I was older than 30.

What? It's not a lie. I'll be over 30 until I die so...there. ;P Meh.

So you see, yesterday was a good day.

I'd like to thank all who made it possible...*gets out folded piece of paper*...first I'd like to thank God for deaming me worthy of a good day after the past few bad weeks I've had. Then there's my bestie Lauren (for finding me these two for the shoot), Conan (for introducing me to my new fave band), and to StubHub for buying a bunch of tickets to shows and selling them at exagerated prices, just for me. Oh and to Keziah who's always there for me.

Tamsin :) xo

Late to the Party

So, last night I decide to use that nifty snifty TimeWarner Cable thingy where you can select to start a program over to watch it. And, since Jake Gyllenhaal was going to be on CONAN I chose to do just that. (If you have to ask why, you're a straight guy. ;)

As per usual he was adorable, funny, hot, and just at ease chatting with Conan and I was about to turn off the TV when Randy Jackson from American Idol came on (Jebus, you shoulda seen his GOLD shoes!) but he was funny and I was in and out of my room getting ready for bed, so I left it on.

Once he was done the musical guest was going to come on and I'd never heard of them so I was walking into my room to turn off the TV just as Conan says, "Panic! at the Disco!" and the camera pans over to this group (who look like they're from England but they're from Vegas, of all things!Ha!)and they start to sing "The Ballad of Mona Lisa". My mouth drops open and I find I'm frozen standing in front of my TV, jaw slightly ajar. I'm thinking, "Who are these guys? They're amazing! The lead's voice is just phenominal!" ----I'm a sucker for a band who's lead had a voice that makes me fall in love...

Anyhoo...

I rewind to get their name and write it down. I watch their performance, twice. I boot up my laptop and luckily my iTunes actually behaves (after opening it twice, that is) and I get it to function. I pull up their new album, "Vices and Virtues" and listen to few samples and w/o a second thought I buy the deluxe version of the newest album (comes with more songs, the CD jacket and a video).

I listen to them on my way to work this morning and watch my video four times! If you've not seen "The Ballad of Mona Lisa" Steam Punk Video ...you're missing out! It's awesome! It had me hunt out their website (click on the blog title) and then find when they were going to be in NYC...for they'd announced they were going on tour, starting in Boston.

I hit up TicketMaster to be told that the tickets I want to buy aren't available. Does it say the event is sold out? No. But there are not tickets. I called TM as well...nothing. Not a computer glitch. **sigh** So I see if Boston has tickets left...and they do. But its at the end of May and I'll be in rehearsal for the West Village Musical Theatre Festival that goes up June 9-12 so...no leaving town for a weekend for me. :(

I was so sad. I really wanted to see these guys perform. Brandon Urie's voice makes me melt, they're theatrical and their music if catchy and awesome. WANT. TO. GO! Finally I found tickets available for the NYC show through StubHub. You know....those people who buy a bunch of tickets and re-sell them at almost twice the price. **sigh again** So...I did what anyone else would do.........

I bought them anyways. :)

I had some money in my savings for something fun to do so I used it. Bought two tickets knowing someone would be happy to buy one off me to go (and Lauren will be...so no begging me for it...it's already sold, sorry) and have already received them via email and printed them. YAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!

So, on May 24th I'm going to go see this amazing band who I only learned about last night...cause I'm OBVIOUSLY late to the party, they've been around for a few years! LOL! They do have a newer sound though, in comparison to their old stuff so that might be why I'd not noticing them. Who knows.

But...who cares? I know now...that's all that matters...and I'm pumped to go! I've not been this excited for a concert since I saw MUSE at the Garden (6th row baby!)

Anyhoo...they're all I've listened to today (like the nerd I am). I'll probably re-watch the video twice on my way home and listen to the album while I do some writing tonight after the gym.

Better to be late to the party than to miss it all together, right?

HAPPY TUESDAY!

xoxo

Tamsin :)

Worst. Date. Ever. (LMAO at another's expense)

I promise...you will not be disappointed by this read.

No, really...I am still laughing at my friend's expense...and he knows it. He also knows I'm blogging it...with names changed of course. :)

My friend, we'll call him Tom, has had an interesting life for a man his age. Been places I'll probably never see in my life and done more humanitarian work than most celebrities see in a lifetime...even at his young years (28 I think).

Anyhoo...here we go...

Tom has been dating a girl for awhile and they had "the talk"...so now they are still seeing each other as well as open to see others. Every man's dream, right? Date about Manhattan! Woo-hoo!

Yeah...not so much last night.

Tom was set up on a blind date. A guy he works with knows this girl through another friend and she's HOT HOT HOT. A Russian model, lived in NYC for a long time, gets a lot of paid work, etc etc etc. Hot Model. Any man would say yes.

Now, what's funny isn't that it took him 4 glasses of wine in 3 hours to try and make conversation with her (though, I thought that was hilarious in itself)...what's funny was her, shall we say, "proposition".

She wanted him to come back to her place and have sex.......

And TAPE IT!

But wait...there's more!

She wants to include her roommate.

No...I'm not joking. But wait...there's more!

She wants to add her roommate's boyfriend to the mix too! Hello orgy invitation!

But wait...say it with me...THERE'S MORE!

**wipe the tears from your eyes from laughter**

She then informs him that she likes to be slapped during sex.

He told me this story last night as he smoked and I walked my dog and I won't lie. I lost it. I laughed so hard my deep, rib-cage vibrating laughter was so loud I think I woke the neighbors as my voice bounced off walls. I had to lean down to put my hands on my knees! The tears...oh the tears... *sigh* just remembering it makes my eyes water.

Poor dude hasn't even been in NYC a full month yet.

So...in conclusion I'll tell you that he did NOT take her up on the offer. After dinner she asked him, "What's next?" He said he was goin' home. She got quite upset. I'm guessing the hot Russian blonde model doesn't get turned down too often. But she did last night and I had the BEST laugh I think of my year so far.

So thank you Tom. Thank you stupid Russian model girl. You both made my year.

The "New York Moment"...I think Tom can say he's experienced one of those now, don't you?

Have a wonderful weekend gang!

Shocked and stunned and laughing through the tears,

Tamsin :) xoxo

The Actor's Nightmare

This morning I woke up from a wickedly horrible Actors Nightmare.

I also woke up late.

Then I saw it was SNOWING out.

Then both my trains had problems and I was late for work even though I got out of the house on time.

Are we doing Monday over again? Did you forget to tell me? Shame on you!

***insert massive grumbling here***

My co-worker asked what the actors nightmare is. Really? You don't all have these? You don't know what they are? Well, let me enlighten you then. Join me in my misery.

First though...you do know there was a play written by Christopher Durang with this title (psst...click on this blog title to see more on that).

The basics of any actor's nightmare: Dreams actors and performers often have in which they are about to go onstage and cannot remember their lines/rehearsal instructions.

MY nightmare of choice was as follows:

I was sitting at the back of the house of a huge theatre, possibly seating 300, curled up on the shoulder of my junior college buddy Mark Brenner. I think he had on a furry costume because I remember I was cosily tucked into a fuzzy warm shoulder and didn't want to go get ready for the performance. It was opening night and we were just hanging out before they opened the house. I think we were sitting in a light loft/walk over in the back cause we were looking down from the back and not in seats.

Anyhoo...I finally realized it was time to go on and I wasn't in costume or make-up and I was nonchalant about it. ????? We were ON in five minutes and I was like, "poo poo...no issues". Say wha? I got into costume quickly but told the two girls fretting about me that we never start on time so no worries.

They tossed me a bag with my name on it telling me the make-up guy was pissed off and that it was important that Marion look right and now I'd have no make-up on. I was all calm and said, "sure I can, here..." (Note: Marion would be the lead in "Music Man" btw, for those of you not versed in the musicals of "old").

And this is where it all goes wrong...

I start to put the powder on and I hear clapping and music start. And I'm like, "Well shit, I need to..." And then it hits me.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHOW THIS IS, WHAT MY BLOCKING IS, WHAT THE WORDS TO THE SONG ARE, BUT....I'M CERTAIN I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ON STAGE...RIGHT...NOW!

I peak out of the curtains to see a young girl, possibly 12, with curly dark hair and a modest catholic girl outfit on and she's picking up the slack, singing cause I'm not on stage and the orchestra is going and the audience is watching. The song is "Wouldn't It Be Loverly"...THAT is from "My Fair Lady"...for those of you who don't know.

So she looks to the right and sees me and so I just walk on stage picking up where she left off in the song...finish the chorus and then?

You got it. Nothing. I'm now dead center with the band playing and a full cast around me and a packed house and I have NO bloody idea what the words are or where I'm supposed to walk.

I try to save my ass by pulling at a guy on stage right and pretending that the way the show goes is that I get him to sing with me.

Poor lout doesn't know the words either and he's petrified. In the back of my head I'm thinking, "The next song should be "Wash that Man Right Outta My Hair" (Note: THAT would be the musical "South Pacific" btw...yee gads!)

THANKFULLY I woke up at this point...in a panic...my cast looking at me like I am ruining everything while my head thinks, "why would you let the show open when the lead hasn't been to the last two weeks of rehearsal?"

Here endeth the lesson.

Mind you, these are anxiety dreams and they started after the reality of how hard this teenage theatre troup/camp is going to be legally hit me on Sunday. But they're just dreams folks...bring it on! Cause I'm going to really try and make this work. So take THAT actor's nightmare. You can bite me.

May today get better...for me and for you other New Yorkers looking out at the snow and dealing with train issues today...it'll all be over in 12.5 hours from now. And we can try to see what Thursday holds.

---------read the P.S. and see what's after it for a treat------------

xo

Tamsin :)

P.S. The anxiety dream I had the night before was that I moved back from summer break to move into the house me and my best pal Angie were living in to find my old roommate (from here in NYC) with her shit in my room. I then turned to the house owner, who was my pal Jet (yes, the Goth/Industrial/EBM DJ and owner of Vampire Freaks) and was like, "I signed a contract for this room...why is her stuff still in here? Where is she?" Being the cool dude Jet is, he was standing there with paper in hand and his big sunglasses on (indoors?) like, "Yeah man, you signed it...its your room. Just move her stuff to the room downstairs. I don't know where she is." So me and someone else (no idea who) were trying to move her shit out of the room but it never seemed to be gone...trip after trip to the room and then the dream would start again like Groundhog Day (the movie). Shoot me now.

TREAT OF THE DAY: "Hipster Olympics Video" ---it saved my day...making me laugh! Thanks to Juliet for this! xo

Inspiration

"It's a terrible thing to see and have no vision." - Helen Keller

I saw this quote this morning on the train and got inspired with concern to my new adventure that I blogged about last time we met here. Mind you, it could have been the music I was listening to at the time, Elba by E.S. Posthumus, but either way...here me out.

This quote not only hit me hard but it reminded me of something. When I was a young girl, age ten or eleven, my parent's took me to my first play ever. It was "The Miracle Worker". My mother says I turned to her at the intermission and told her, "I can do that." And so I did. (For more on this story...for those who know my real name...you can go to that blog and today's date).

Hence, when I saw this quote this morning I suddenly KNEW it was the theme quote for the teenage theatre company I hope to one day offer to NYC kids. That, and that "Miracle Worker" should be our first full show. I know I'm waaaay ahead of myself as we plan to start small, start with a festival, but...ever had one of those moments where you just "know" something is right? This, this is right. Without question, without pause. It's the right track. For me to direct kids in a show that inspired me to get into theatre...its honestly a no brainer. It's inspiration at the highest level.

As I continued to head to work, this idea bubbling in my brain, I switched my iPod to my dance music mix for my walking (I like to walk at a good clip for exercise). The song "Dynamite" that was big this past summer by Taio Cruz came on. Take the words from that and add it to the mood I was in and BAM! I was giggly. No joke. Giggly at 9:30am. It helped that it was a sunny and warm morning here in NYC too. :)

I started to see a group of kids in my head, warming up to the song. Don't ask why my mind works this way, I have no answer. And certain words in it hit me. We'll start with the 1st time he sings the chorus and move from there. I've bolded the lines I feel are something to focus on.

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes
Saying AYO!
Gotta let go!
I wanna celebrate and live my life
Saying AYO!
Baby, let's go!

'Cause we gon' rock this club
We gon' go all night
We gon' light it up
Like it's dynamite!
'Cause I told you once
Now I told you twice
We gon' light it up
Like it's dynamite!

I came to move, move, move, move
Get out the way me and my crew, crew, crew, crew
I'm in the club so I'm gonna do, do, do, do
Just what the fuck, came here to do, do, do, do

Cause it goes on and on and on
And it goes on and on and on

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes
Saying AYO!
Gotta let go!
I wanna celebrate and live my life
Saying AYO!
Baby, let's go!

'Cause we gon' rock this club
We gon' go all night
We gon' light it up
Like it's dynamite!
'Cause I told you once
Now I told you twice
We gon' light it up
Like it's dynamite!

I'm gonna take it all like,
I'm gonna be the last one standing,
I'm alone and all I
I'm gonna be the last one landing
'Cause I, I, I Believe it
And I, I, I
I just want it all, I just want it all
I'm gonna put my hands in the air
Hands in the air
Put your hands in the air

......and the song goes on, you get the point.

Yeah, it's a simple song and there are tons of songs our there with great messages and better writing, duh. But the energy this song gives and the words I've highlighted got me thinking.

As an actor you have to let go. Let go of all the bullshit, let go of preconceived notions about both yourself and the world around you, let go of any hang ups you have about what you look like, let go of any embarrassement you could feel about being "different", let go of self conciousness, and let go of the fear of doing something wrong...cause baby, if you're gonna do it wrong...do it BIG!

It's proven more often than not that drama classes can build these traits I speak of in a teenager. It did for me...I've seen it do it for my past students. The TV show "GLEE" is using the Glee Club instead of the Drama Club but they're teaching the same ideas there. No, not all those characters will leave high school and become a pro...just like kids who study theatre in high school will persue a full time life of theatre. BUT, it can give them the tools to take ahold of their life by the balls and do with it as they want to. No saying, "I could've done ________." Instead they'll get to know who they are and what they do well. When someone understands that, there are no limits to what they can achieve. Not just professionally, but personally.

I say this because these skills aren't just for theatre, they work in real life too. If you're not willing to take chances, you'll get nowhere. Theatre creates a base in self confidence and positive self image. Plus, if you ARE going to move on and go into performing as a career...a solid base before adult theatre training is important. In University's and schools like the William Esper Studio you get completely torn down to your core being (which I believe in whole heartedly) so as to rebuild yourself and your craft. But, if the actor/actress doesn't get to have that foundation from earlier study in their teens they may not do so well on that adult rebuild later. Notice I said "may". Not everyone is the same, obviously. But on the average, those who want to study theatre heavily in college or schools like Esper, need a theatrical basis from somewhere. If our schools are going to stop teaching that...well then...we need to pick up the slack.

Which is, as I've said, what I plan to do. Hopefully. :)

Theatre work for a teenager is vital and effects life in general, be that a life as a banker or life as a performer. I plan to go to each of my students that I've worked with in the past and have them tell you how it effected them. I hope you look forward to their answers as much as I do.

Have a great weekend all!

Tamsin :)

The "Change" I need

So, announcement #2 is on the horizon.

Last week was Announcement #1. In review: I let you all know that I'd be directing one of the brand new musicals in the West Village Musical Festival that goes up in June. And...if that's not big enough...I have the rest of the news.

I wanted to talk to my team before I blogged...hence my pause in telling you all at once.

So, many of you don't know that I have a degree in education. I did seven years of college (insert gasp or off color jokes here) and finished with a Bachelors in Arts with an emphasis in Performance and Directing. I also happened to get my Secondary Education Certification as well. To be honest, I got a 660 on my NTE (National Teachers Exam), which...I've discovered, is rather impressive. Which shocked me cause bloody hell do I suck at multiple choice tests!!!

Anyhoo....let's not loose focus.

I taught both middle and high school down south and left teaching for one reason and one reason only: Political Bullshit. I was a liberal person in a conservative town working at schools where most of the teachers grew up in the area and came back from college to teach in the town they were from. Needless to say, I did not fit in. The kids and the parents adored me and we did some AMAZING work. I was sorry to leave, but things always happen for a reason. When I left I started a theatre company that competed in NYC and we won multiple awards and it's what led to me living here so...see? Reason found.

When I taught high school I directed shows after school, of course. But, I expected a quality of work from my kids that was above other high schools and you know what, I got it. I'm a firm believer in expecting more from a 16 year old than others...cause deep down, they can deliver more on that stage than many teachers push them for. They're at an age where their hormones have them at a very hightened level of emotions...and honestly, that kind of connection makes a good actor/actress if they have the talent, apply it, and are encouraged to push themselves. I say this thinking of when I decided to direct The Crucible. I will never forget the quality of that show...what my kids did. How devestatingly powerful they were. I've seen things in NYC that aren't half as good or filled with adult actors that give as much as those kids did.

Moving on...

As many of you know, public schools are starting to remove arts programs from their curriculum....the jack asses that they are. Kids need the arts and I could ramble for pages and pages as to why but, that's not what this blog is about today. It's about how I plan to try and fix that.

Here in NYC there are no Off Off Broadway Theatre companies for high school kids. If you don't have a theatre program at your high school and you can't afford to attend an arts high school or one of those arts camps that charge thousands of dollars...your public school kid is screwed. No theatre for them!

Well, that's just ridiculous. It makes me angry, to be honest. And because I'm angry and because I have a fire in my heart for teenage kids who are in love with drama...I've decided to do something about it.

Deep breath...here we go...

TheatreRats is starting a theatre camp for NYC kids where they will learn to put on a festival from top to bottom. I/We figured, it's what we do best (Five years of a successful Chester Horn Short Play Festival under our belts and all) so we should start small and start there. It'll be both educational as well as fun and at the end we perform six short plays (15 min shows, just like in CHSPF) all put on by the kids. They run the house, the backstage, the set changes, the make-up, the lights...etc. They'll have adults there for help and to watch and so on, but it'll be their job to try and work it on their own as best they can.

We'll do four days a week in the month of July, starting AFTER the 4th of July holiday of course. The price tag isn't clear yet. We as a team need to figure out the curriculum, time needed, space needed, etc. Once we do that we'll know how much it'll cost to do. I'm hoping to be able to offer up 40 spots in the program counting tech and performers and to keep the price tag wicked low. It'll run for 4 weeks (Thursday thru Sunday) with a performance at the end with audience voting for awards (just like we do with the Chester Horn Festival).

There is much more info but I am holding it close to the vest for now. Do know that we have other things thought of and are going to be spending the next year getting ready to do this. The first year of this program will not roll out until 2012. If I'm lucky, as I do my research and talk to people, I might find a school that will offer up free or cheap space in classrooms or an auditorium they don't use in the summer to help us keep the price down. Cause, let's face it, rehearsal rooms are really expensive here in NYC.

What's great is that I've already gotten permission from my boss to take every Friday off in July so as to teach in the afternoon and so all I'll need to do is find a few tech friends of mine to come and teach on Thursdays. Like a day with a fight choreographer, a light designer, a pro make-up artist, etc. We plan to see how this goes and if its received well we'll already have a plan in place for a level 2 for continuing kids the next year as well as a new group for level one and see what happens.

How great would it be if someday, in the next 10 years, that we are strong enough to offer an after school program for kids...a OOBW High School Theatre Company maybe too...so that when high schools totally rape their program of the arts, there's someone there to pick up the slack? I hope we can eventually reach something so amazing...but for now, we're going to start slow...start small. Keep it simple but educational, cheap, and fun.

Keep me and my team in your thoughts and prayers as we work on this in the next year to make it something amazing.

See Mom, Dad...that Education degree you helped me get isn't totally going to go to waste! ;)

Have a good one all!

Tamsin xo

Romance

My life is SERIOUSLY lacking in this area. And for a woman who is...uh...over 35...its saddening. To me that is...saddening to me. So, suddenly I've become my mother. NO joke. I have started to buy/read/enjoy Romance Novels.

Problem is, I'm not someone for your typical novel...I like the idea that a Romance Novel can blur lines...that it could be either a Fantasy Novel or a Mystery/Crime Novel as well. So THOSE are what I tend to look for. But...being new to this genre of reading, where should I go to find decent romance novels that don't make me laugh each time I read "his throbbing member"...? ;)

I found this, and thought I'd share a list I found. You can thank me later: TOP ROMANCE NOVELS.

I started with "Dream Man". It's listed as one of the top picks. I made some dinner after my workout at the gym and began the book around ten o'clock last night.

I was reading until 2am...its got a cool fantasy and mystery twist to it and I'm pulled in! We have a serial killer in Orlanda and a girl who is an Empath with a detective who is falling in love with her. I like this feeling of being swept up into it.

See, told ya I'm becoming my mother! ---of course, she also wrote these type of books so...hmmm...wonder if I will ever have a great idea for one. My friend Alexis is writing one right now that I really enjoy that has a fantasy element to it. I can't wait to see how it turns out! :)

Anyhoo...when I finish "Dream Man" by Linda Howard, I'll do a review. Promise.

But I thought that since I found the list, I'd share it with you.

Enjoy it ladies...enjoy.

xo

Tamsin :)

Something needs to change.

I have mixed feelings about how my life is going.

On one hand I like the new people who have entered my life in the past year (they are the best and I am enjoying getting to know them better and better as time goes), but I miss the people who had been in my life when I was doing theatre. I know I stepped away from theatre on purpose. I was burnt out. Period. I'd been going non-stop with no time for me for many years...and it wasn't really going anywhere. Because, let's face it, unless I'm willing to leave my full time job to apply to direct anytime and anywhere...my "career path" in directing is over. Financially I cannot quit the daytime gig. Health wise (insurance), I cannot quit the daytime gig. So here I sit. Unable to move my directing career path forward unless my "goal" is to just direct off off Bway for no money for all eternity. Which, is sorta okay but...I can do that anywhere...not just NYC.

I moved to NYC to do theatre. I'm good at it. I'm a good director...a better Artistic Director and possibly even a better Technial Director (which is funny cause I'm utter shite when it come to getting on a ladder or knowing about electrical stuff). I don't miss the stress of it all. That's the truth. I do miss the people, however. TheatreRats worked with some of the most wonderful people and I miss them. But the question is...do I want to have that stress again? Maybe. Maybe not. I think if TheatreRats is to start up again that we need two more folks in the fold, so to speak. Rachel, Michael and I aren't enough to make this ball roll anymore. We need a fourth...at the least.

What would I do if TheatreRats folded? Hmmm...maybe apply to direct other shows for other companies? Maybe just work with Patrick on things since we're a pretty great team. No idea. I know I can't NOT do theatre all together. Cause if I do...then what the fuck am I doing here in NYC? I could move somewhere warm and write. Of course, my paying job and my writing team here are reasons enough to stay. Though, I think there are people in my theatre world that wouldn't notice I left town at all. Just because I'm not producing theatre anymore I tend to not be "important" to them. Yeah, I get invites to their plays but nothing else really. I'm no longer an opportunity for them to get a job so...I'm forgotten about.

But that's another ball of wax that I won't go into. I dwelled on that yesterday enough as it is.

Where was I?

Oh yes...the way my life is going...and going and going with no real progress lately. It's me, my dog and...that's really it, when you come down to it. I've been single for five years and its frustrating. Dating in this town sucks! Men in this town...well, there's not as many of them as there are women...unless you count the wonderful gay men (who I adore). Problem is...can't date them. LOL! And when there are new, straight, men around I'm considered but...forgotten about. Not good enough. Much like the theatre folk who find I'm not good enough unless I'm someone who can cast them or pay to see their work. News flash gang: I'm not going to come be supportive of you when you're not supportive of me, anymore. I'm done showing I care when its obvious you don't.

So where am I going? What do I want? Well...simply put, I'd like a healthy partnership/relationship with a good man, a book deal and a chance to do theatre (possibly teach classes) when I'm not writing. Oh, and to be healthy, not in back pain anymore. Ah...all that'd be nice huh? It's the "dream" I suppose.

A dream that if my life has been any indication lately...in its stagnent form...is just that...a dream.

Something needs to change. I need something to jump-start my heart again. Be it love or success at something I've been working ages for.

Something.

If not. WTF am I doing here in this cold city?

Tamsin