...impending doom on the horizon...

That impending doom?

I'm turning 40.

FORTY!

Fuck.

*sigh*

I feel like...
I should be further in my life than I am.
That I should have a savings account that makes me feel safe.
That my waistline should be smaller.
That I should be able to afford to live on my own.
That I should be either married or in a steady/long term relationship.

I am none of those things.

Hence my sigh.

I still work for a hospital vs. working for $ in theatre or as a writer.
I have a savings acount with $60 in it.
My waisteline is, well, larger than it was when I was 30.
I live with 2 other people...neither of which are related to me or dating me.
I've been UBER single (not even really dating) for two years now.

See what I mean?

Yes I'm finally a manager at the hospital I work for.
Yes my savings is empty for a good reason: It was used to save my dogs life.
Yes my waistline is a bit bigger cause I take pain killers that ruin my metabolism. (I do work out to help it but I'm loosing the battle)
Yes I have roommates---> cause rent in NYC is outrageous and you can't afford to live alone unless you make six figures OR you don't have a student loan to pay (which I do)
Yes, I am single because I stopped dating. It wasn't worth it to date "Mr. Wrong" just so as to say I was "dating someone"...that stress will kill ya!

I'm hoping the outlook I have on this "turning 40" thing will look better on the flip side. I have a very "stay busy with friends" weekend so as to not fall into the "feel sory for myself pit" but...once festivities are over and I come back to work on Tuesday...

I know.

It's just an age.

But let's face it...some folks die in their late 50's...which means I'm more than half way done with my shot. My shot to do something special, leave an impact somewhere, or be remembered for something. I suppose I just need to jump on the bandwagon 110% to, as they say in the south, "gedderdone".

I'll let you know how it looks from the other side of "turning 40" when I return to you on Tuesday.

Tamsin xo

P.S. UP point: I don't LOOK 40 by ANY stretch of the imagination...