A Review you DON'T want as an author

Okay...so I know I said I'd not write again till after the holiday but, well, I lied. I forgot that this is the week "Twilight; Eclipse" comes out in theaters. And as she writes in my genre (sorta) I feel the need to talk about the "event" that is Twilight Madness.

Before I begin my "rant" I want to say this; I think the Twilight Series is a fun, indulgent, romantic (in the obsessive teenage sense) novel that is a bit addictive. You see, I too devoured the four books in two weeks, like most women (and gay men) on this planet. I recommend you read them if you've not...they're now part of our iconic history and as they are a phenomenon...you should read up on what they are. You're not allowed, in my opinion, to have an opinion of them (books or movies) unless you actually read/watch them.

That said, I give you the review from NYC's Metro paper that holds a line that as an author, I DREAD to EVER hear (if I'm lucky enough to have my books published and then made into movies that is). I will put the line I speak of in bold.

This review below was Written By Ned Ehrbar, who also writes for Metro World News in Los Angeles.

Title of said review: Third times a mediocre charm for this 'Twilight'

Subtitle of said review: 'Eclipse' is the best movie yet in the teen vampire series, but hte competition hasn't exactly been tough.

The review itself:

The third film in the "Twilight" series is the best to date, but that's faint praise considering the previous installments. The cast's development of their now-iconic characters as well as new director David Slade's camera work make "Eclipse" a marked improvement, but the film is stunted by its source material.

The lesson here appears to be that practice sometimes makes mediocre, but it's not really Slade's fault. He does his best, adding actual action sequences with brutal beheadings -- though no blood, since these vampires are PG-13.

There are bright spots, including some all-too-brief diversions into the backstories of a pair of Cullen vampires, Rosalie (Nikki Reed) and Jasper (Jackson Rathbone). Also worth noting: It's becoming clear that Stewart has quietly been doing some impressive work as Bella. While some might write off her performance as half-asleep, she's actually showing remarkable restraint with the dialogue's overwrought romance-novel nature.

If only Tayler Lautner had such skill.

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Okay...Thank you Mr. Ehrbar! Now for Tamsin Silver's thoughts PRE-MOVIE (for I see it tomorrow night)...yes, I'm going to go see it in the madness. Remember what I said...know of what you speak of!

I'll say it flat out, without reserve, or fear of hurting your feelings if you're a TwiHard...

I hated the 3rd book of the series.

There, I said it.

I ended up having to skimmed much of it. You may ask why...and I'll be happy to tell you! :)

It's cause Bella drove me absoluetly fucking insane! All the girl does is whine and whine and whine in this book and we're stuck in her head so we have to hear even more of it than poor Edward does. And, if she's not whining she's being clingy and selfish. Oh sure, she has a moment of "revelation" at the end of the bloody book (while in the tent) that she's been selfish and feels "bad" about it...but it takes hundreds of pages for this girl. She's supposed to be smart and mature for her age but this book backpeddles her to like 13 years of age!

The book's ONE real redeaming quality is that we get to know other characters better (like Rosalie and Jasper) and ther's a huge fight scene...oh wait...THAT cool fight scene is going on somewhere where Bella ISN'T at and we just get the fight between Edward and Victoria (and Seth...can't forget Seth Clearwater, to be played by BooBoo Stewart...yes, that's his name). Not that the small (and fast and simple) fight with them isn't cool...but the REAL fight Mrs. Meyer leaves out. A 629 page book and you CAN'T give us the BIG ass fight scene we've been leading up to the WHOLE fucking book? **sigh** When reading the book you console yourself with the words, "Don't worry, the last book will show the big fight scene"...uh, yeah, don't hold your breath.

Anyhoo, at least the movie version of "Eclipse" will be showing the BIG fight scene. And THAT, my good people, is why I'M going to this movie (that and I looove the CGI wolves a lot!). Not only that but the movie looks to show a bit more of other folks like the new vamps out to kill the Cullen's as well as the back story on Jasper and Rosalie (they skipped poor Alice's back story...which is given to you in book one but movie #1 opted out of sharing it with you). This means the movie's story won't totally center around our whining selfish heroine. Then again, they really had no choice when making the movie I suppose...since most of the book is ramblings of a selfish whining girl...that wouldn't have made too much interesting "meat" for a movie, now would it? Hell, it barely made much of an interesting plot for a book. And don't even get me started on the writing simplicity and over-indulgent descriptions...ugh...I could go on and on...but I'll save that for the Mrs. Meyer.

Those be my thoughts. I see the movie on Thursday night before I pack to leave for Boston for the holiday...so chances are I won't get to write my pithy review of it until we all return to our regularly scheduled program of life on Tuesday...so hang in there TwiHards...I'll hopefully not trash your movie like I did your book.

But do remember what I started with in this entry...I did love reading them. The story itself is quite inventive and fun (if you don't see Edward as a bit of a stalker and Bella as a obsessed nut job) and I like them, for what they are. And don't you DARE say "well, they're just Young Adult Books"! Read some Cassandra Clare stuff and then compare that type of YA to Twilight and you'll see why I say not to lump all YA together!

And yes, I'm not a published author yet...nor do I have a movie deal (yet)...but I just feel some of our phenomenon is ill-based. Just my opinion...take it or leave it...its cool. That's what my blog is for. Oh, and before someone whines saying "But Mrs. Meyer's books have a movie deal and have made millions". Have no fear...I see that and bow to her for it! But what will make me take a knee vs. a simple bow, is that Cassandra Clare also has gotten a movie deal for her Mortel Instruments trilogy (being done by the same folks that did Lord of the Rings btw) and with writing THAT good...the movie hopefully will rock too.

Oh...and just so I say it...the BEST part of the series is in Book 4...

(SPOILER ALERT if you're one of the 2% on the planet who've not read the last book!)

...after Bella wakes up a vampire! Then it all just ROCKS! Well, minus the fight scene that again, never comes. :(

So yes, I'm not a fan of the book, but for now...I look forward to wolves kickin' new vamp ass in the movie tomorrow night!

Tamsin :)